Business 302: Weathering the storm

Running your own business is a lot like being stuck in Nairobi in 2010. El Niño, La niña, miracle babies, global warming, and several unnamed cults have urged the gods to kill our weather patterns, so no one really knows when it should rain anymore. It’s mid-May, and our showers of blessings are yet to slow down. This unpredictable weather comes with both blessings and less-than-blessings.

Rain means filled up dams, which logically equal lower electricity bills. It also means more greens, less dust, less hunger, and more umbrella sales.

But the rain has some downsides too. Tomato and onion gardens are being flooded, so they’re not maturing well and are getting pricey. In my neighbourhood, I buy one [fairly large] tomato at ten bob, which is ridiculous really.

The roads are getting eroded, and so is our good sense; have you tried moving in the CBD when it’s raining? Don’t even get me started on the burst sewers. Nairobi is a lot cleaner and greener than she used to be, but we still clearly has a massive drainage problem.

Business is sometimes like that. We all itch and ache to go entrepreneur and do our own thing, but when we get there, it’s not quite what we expect. When we are starving in drought, we beg for rain, but when it gets here, we have to deal with wet feet, muddy shoes, and malaria.

When you work for ‘the man’, you may have a crazy boss, but you can always transfer or quit. When you’re working for yourself, you often have annoying customers, but they’re paying the bill. And no, you cannot bash your clients on twitter.

But just as you enjoy rain while cringing at the potholes, you can harvest your business as you hide from giant mosquitoes.

Yesterday, I got stuck in the rain, and learnt a few lessons that can help you build your business. So here are my survival tips for rain – and business – in 2010.

  1. Always  trust your instincts: When I looked at the sky at 4.30 yesterday, I considered staying in the office and waiting it out, then decided to try to beat the clouds instead. Had I stayed at work, I’d have been stuck until 8.00. But then I’d also have been warm and dry, and got a lot more work done.
  2. Always have a backup plan: I carry a big blue knapsack everywhere I go. It’s loaded with endless junk, cables, a bottle of bubbles, a yoyo, three novels, purple lipbalm, spare bullets, ten teabags and three handsets. But nooooo, it doesn’t have an umbrella. ‘Nuff said.
  3. Wear sensible shoes: You never know when you’ll need to have an emergency meeting in a high class restaurant with a new client. Or when you’ll need to run in the rain.
  4. Learn from others, but don’t envy them: I have always admired girls that can walk in high heels, and I’ve even toyed the idea of ‘upping my business image’ by getting some skirt suits and Louis Vuitton. But yesterday, I saw good-looking ladies in litty-bitty power-skirts surviving the cold and rain while I breezed it in my Northstars and jeans. Score one for the tomboy!
  5. Always have an emergency fund: You never know when you’ll need to kill some rain-time by having a hot pizza instead.
  6. Timing is everything: When I finally got to my bus stop, the rain was pretty bad and there was a shortage of matatus, so I hung out in the semi-shelter for a couple of hours. I saw some people rushing off to Bomb Blast to get transport, but they had to get soaked through and use some serious rugby skills to get there. I waited until the rain was a drizzle before I calmly headed that way, and I found a matatu ready and waiting. Yay!
  7. Stay positive: If you have to be stuck in the rain, it helps to have a big red jumper, heavy blue denim, canvas shoes, and a waterprof hairstyle. But even without the protection, try to keep smiling. The bad times, like the rain, will turn to rainbows eventually. Just ask Donald Trump and Noah.

Crystal Ading’ is a professional author, editor, rock lover and mother. Her work is available through www.threeceebee.com.

Laughs From Google


Google’s autocomplete feature for searches can be pretty useful when you’re looking for a common search term. Hey, neat! You don’t have to type the whole thing! Sometimes, though, Google’s suggestions take a turn for the hilarious or just plain weird. A site called Autocomplete Me collects some of the strangest ones for your amusement. Admittedly, some of these might be offensive, so viewer discretion is advised.

Did you notice that Google introduced an autocomplete feature? It’s pretty nice, you don’t have to type so much – Google offers you suggestions that are often very relevant and useful. Sometimes, though, Google’s suggestions are Bizarre. A site called Autocompleteme collects the most bizarre and hilarious ones for your enjoyment. (Some may be offensive, be advised.)

‘White People Stole My Car’

Who really stole your car?

Who really stole your car?




‘White people stole my car’ became one of the most searched topics in Google over the past few days. If you are thinking it’s the new hot rock band, you are wrong. So what made this phrase so popular? The result generated by Google on the search was ‘Did you mean: Black people stole my car.’

I know, I know, right now you are probably like ‘whaaaaaat???’ Well, if you spent sometime on Google more than a week ago trying to figure out why this phrase became one of the most searched phrases, you probably came across a lot of unsatisfactory results and got a whole lot of bugs and viruses while at it. I have tried the search severally but haven’t been lucky enough to get the said results either because Google has already fixed it, or it simply never happened. There isn’t really anything out there that fully explains this.

Some say it was just another Internet scheme, some say it really did happen. Either way it has been all over the Internet and generated comments from readers all over the world expressing their disapproval, shaming Google and demanding a public apology. While others have just taken it with a light touch and laughed it off. Weather it was a mistake by Google or some schemer’s plot, it sure has caught a lot of attention.

Here are some comments I came across:

Kevin: Try to Google black people shoot up school or black man chops up his wife and see what the results are smh. LOL
Jay: How is it racist? The search engine generates results based on popularity. More websites have the content “black people stole my car” than “white people stole my car”. Statistics are the truth….not racism.
Flagburner: All black people are criminals, some just hide it better than others.
Brandon: After nosing around a bit, I discovered that devilish lil’ spammers made this oh-too-popular phrase appear on Google Trends and from there, folks were led to Web sites filled with spam and viruses.
Joe: How about this: WET(White Entertainment Television)
now how would that go over? Will blacks be upset? Will you watch?
Mandy: Honestly? Come up to where I live and you’ll see all the blackies acting like we owe them something…
From Canada: Racism is alive and real… Blacks are suffering internationally, even in Africa.. slavery has been replaced by debt and prison systems…It’s worse than the Martin Luther King days, because it’s hidden…I am a successful black, but why did I have to work 3 times harder and be 10 times more aware???
Anon: relax everyone. It’s hilarious! I laughed so hard when I read that… and black people DID probably steal your car. Ha ha ha funny though!
Brik: So you are saying that white folks ain’t thieves? That’s just Bull!!
Jolenr: Ok this is racist but really funny. Like if I Googled “black people can’t dance” and it said “did you mean “white people can’t dance?” we need not to take ourselves so serious and laugh!
Heidi: a joke is something that all or most people can laugh @…even as a white woman this makes me upset. I think to just say “oh its a joke” should not make it okay.

There is also a whole website whitepeoplestolemycar dedicated to helping all our brothers out there find their stolen cars.
So to laugh or frown upon it is up to you.


Not the usual job requirements…

Anyone who’s been out looking for a job knows how hard it is. You not only need the education and papers to prove that you are qualified, but also the ‘qualities’. Usually employers look for communication skills, honesty, ability to work in a team, motivation, flexibility and such. I don’t deny that most of us do have these qualities, but you all can’t deny that when it comes to an interview for a job that you really want, you take it to a whole other level. You emphasize the best in you, try to prove to the employer why you are better than everyone else. Why you are the best guy for the job.

Sometimes the not so good or not so usual qualities that we don’t pride ourselves in can come in handy. I put together a couple that I think serve as an advantage in acquiring a job. I’m all for self employment by the way (thanks to a lot of influence and some experience) so these are stuff that you don’t really need to be actually employed.

Celeb. This includes you if you were Mr Campus, it doesn’t matter how many years ago, if you were in one of those BlueBand commercials when you were like 5 years old or more generally if you know A LOT of people. To most being a celeb is not a ‘not so good’ quality. It’s here because it’s usually never in the list of qualities that your new employer wants or needs to know about you. So how can you put this to use? There are so many new businesses coming up. All this business starters need clients. So where do you come in? You know a lot of people. So find these new business starters and make deals with them. Bring them clients for a certain percentage. ( The more people you know, the more you’ll earn). You don’t need to go to school for this, just good communication skills and be smart, you’ll pull it off.

Mdaku. If you like knowing ‘stuff’. Especially stuff about other people that don’t concern or affect you in any way. You just like knowing. I’ve met someone like this. Not just the normal ‘talk a lot people’, this one was hard core. She’d get this serious glow in her eyes when she got info about someone else that has absolutely nothing to do with her. Note I didn’t say if you like passing along the news since this will most likely get you fired in this case. So anyway, who knew this could ever be good? There are a lot of ‘busy’ people around. With growing technology and maintaining status these very ‘busy’ people don’t have enough time to check their email and reply to all of them, update their status on facebook, myspace, twitter, Badoo, Bebo, Flicker, hi5, Orkut, mig33… I’m sure you get the point. I’ve seen many people and small businesses willing to pay to have someone do these simple tasks. Again this comes with the connections. The more people you know, the better.

Shopperholic. There are people who do not have the time to go shopping and believe it or not, there are others who just don’t like it. Shocking? I know. I can think of three groups to categorize these non-shoppers. First, celebrities. Those who cause chaos when they show up to buy milk at the supermarket. Second, the busy. Those who fly to Mombasa for that morning meeting, have to be back in Nairobi at lunch time for the appointment in the afternoon, the conference after that, then more work and just don’t make it to get to the shop. Third, the aged, sometimes the sick come in here too. Usually these have family or friends take care of them but not always so they hire sometimes. This is where you come in. I know mboga shopping is not as exciting as shoe shopping, but hey, you are shopping and being paid for it, so it’s a really good deal! This jobs are mostly for getting groceries and to run small errands. Again the more people you know, the more connections you have, the better you chances.

Mwanalugha. If you are really good in languages, or a language, you fall in this group.
In a mixed community like we live in now, language is quickly transforming. With sheng’, Swahili and English, most children born in urban areas never get to learn their ‘mother-tongue’. These languages are part of our culture and I think it’s important to pass them on to the next generations. I’ve seen people pay quite well to have these languages taught to them and mostly their children. If you don’t think you are that great in teaching, there is another option. Translation. Most people I’ve seen do this are based in tourist frequented areas such as Mombasa.

To succeed in any of the above, you need clients. You need to know how to sell yourself. There is a whole lot of information on this site about starting out your own business. Plenty of good tips that will get you on your way to success. If you need help, you can join ‘Biashara30’ a 30 day program where we teach you everything we know about starting your own business and take you step by step until you start making money.

I’d also like to mention one thing that I think is very important. Africa having the fastest growth of Internet use, having your own website is crucial for any business. Having your info and contacts available on line increases your chances of getting more clients. Check out Nickel Pro to get a great website. Their prices are great too and I think they do resumes and profiles too if you are looking for a job.